(Two of these movies have name-brand actors and are exempt from the lame department. An additional one is famous but definitely lame.)
December wouldn’t be complete without watching bad Christmas movies.
*WARNING* Most of these are not meant to be good movies. They’re just mindless holiday-themed entertainment and that’s all we hoped to achieve by watching them.
Except for the bonus movies, all were acquired from our local library.
I’ve included comments from my mom and sister.
Dashing Through the Snow
A girl is suspected of criminal activity and unbeknownst to her, takes a car ride with the agent sent to apprehend her.
Man, I was hoping it’d be better. She was too annoying and he wasn’t charming enough.
The ham-fisted delivery of cheap messages kept getting in the way of it being a good ol’ bad holiday movie.
Believing in Santa doesn’t automatically translate to believing in miracles, hope, and rewards for good behavior. It means you think B&E, spying on children, and your parents not caring enough to buy you present themselves, are all fine.
Sis: Cheaply written. Dialogue is uncreative. The basic idea sounded good and with better acting they could’ve made it cheesy in a fun way.
Mom: It’s a movie about dogs and it is itself a dog.
The Shop Around the Corner
Two people working in a shop don’t realize they’re sending letters to each other.
This is such a sweet film. It’s got real quality unlike so many romcoms of today. You’ve Got Mail is an adaptation of this story and while I like them both, YGM developed the relationship better.
Sis: It’s filled with so many things I like and I wish it was longer. I found the old clerk and the errand boy especially amusing and refreshing. I’d like to see their character types more often.
Mom: That is not a lame Christmas movie. It has really good actors and lines.
A Royal Christmas
A girl finds out she’s dating a prince.
It hits every beat, twist and scenario you’d expect. There’s a very similar movie, The Prince and Me, that has better acting and plot and enjoyment. This one isn’t lame enough to be remembered solely for it’s lameness nor is it good enough to watch again. It passes the time and has a few good bits, but if the story is something you’re interested in, watch The Prince and Me.
Sis: The storyline of not belonging and then becoming accepted is too complicated to do well in a short love story. Every expected milestone is hit and padded just enough to turn the bullet points into a movie. There are a few sweet moments but it left me unsatisfied and bored.
While You Were Sleeping (We watched this one twice.)
When the man Lucy’s fallen in love with gets put in a coma, she spends time with his family, especially the brother.
I like this movie. It has a ridiculous premise that wouldn’t fly in real life but is very enjoyable to watch. Of course I knew where the story would go (which is the case with all these movies) but it uses good dialogue, pacing and characters to provide a fun time.
Sis: My new favorite romcom. With the exception of one person you’re not supposed to like, everyone is kind and straightforward. Nobody’s nasty or out to cause trouble. And the main character isn’t dragged through the mud. I found it rich in little details, like delightfully random conversations, that fill it with color and extra life. I like Peter’s obtuseness, Joe jr.’s un-creepiness, and most everything about Jack.
Moonlight in Vermont
A big-city girl vacations at her family’s inn in the country. Could she find love?
I don’t like city folk trashing the country and disregarding every good thing that falls outside of a city. In other words, I don’t like the main girl. She’s snippy and annoying and I know she’s going to change her mind (it’s Hallmark, after all) but I don’t think she deserves her reversal of opinion.
The guy’s forgettable.
Sis: I mean, what can you say about it? It did a good job of showing her to be demanding, selfish and ignorant. She steps into a different world with a different culture, but thinks that everything should and will bend to her wish. And she’s painfully slow to recognize it shouldn’t and it won’t. I almost felt bad for her, but I was too busy chortling in disdain.
Joint comment: The cooking shown is amateur hour. Are we supposed to believe this "chef" is a professional? Only fools eat cinnamon rolls right out of the oven. Or grow culinary mushrooms within kicking distance of the driveway.
The Christmas Ornament
A woman discovers it’s okay to fall in love again.
Well, this is the best of the Hallmark movies I’ve seen so far. That’s not the highest praise, but this one is genuinely not a terrible movie.
The woman has the overused arc of “I’m sad at Christmas because I have to have a tragic backstory to overcome by the end of the movie.” She’s a bit annoying and dense but not chock-full of stupidity like younger protagonists.
The man is a definite improvement on the others and has a fun personality.
If you want a bad Christmas movie to watch, go for this one.
Sis: He had a few good lines that weren’t the usual formula. Otherwise there’s nothing new.
Mom: The best part was the tree farm, but I can’t imagine where he got the bucks to pay for it. And they left no time in the day for the heroine to bake those intricate cookies or obtain the packaging, which would’ve cost her a fortune that is doubtful she could afford. I realize unlikely particulars are part of the lame movie formula, but the ones in this movie were too huge and numerous to overlook.
Home Alone
A kid gets left at home (alone) and tortures two thieves.
I’m not sure if I’ve seen this movie before. If I have, it’s been repressed and now I know why. It’s one of those stories that’s not enjoyable unless you turn off your brain. I couldn’t do that.
I can’t stand anyone, child or adult, being so inept at life. How is everyone an idiot? And the parents don’t deserve to be parents.
The whole scenario is painful in the extreme and makes my toes curl thinking about it.
Sis: I hated seeing how rottenly the kid’s treated but I applaud his creativity and resourcefulness. I will never watch it again.
BONUS MOVIES
Christmas Pen Pals
In search of business ideas, a girl joins her community’s event of writing letters to a stranger. But will she find love? I couldn’t possibly guess.
Daww, this is so cute. Yes, you know exactly where it’s going based on the description. Yes, she’s incredibly dense. And yes, it is still a cheesy movie. But gosh darn it if I didn’t have the biggest smile on my face the whole time. Everyone is nice and normal, which is a great to see. And the main guy is adorable, so yeah, it’s worth a watch.
Mom: Ditto. Mean and nasty characters are so tedious and ubiquitous. It’s rare to find a movie where every single character is nice. That alone puts this one in the plus column.
Sis: Of all these lame Christmas movies, this leading lady is by far my favorite. She isn't irritating and her shortcomings are much more believable.
Snowed-Inn Christmas
Two rival writers are charged with writing the best Christmas article; a task complicated by having to make an unplanned visit to a cozy inn.
We should’ve been watching Lifetime movies this whole time. They have better acting and story progression. I’m a little over the “Christmas is a magical time of year” attitude so many of these movies have but at least it didn’t beat me over the head this time.
The guy is the same from Dashing, only he’s much better here.
There’s this one scene where they make sugar cookies in the middle of the night and my inner baker is horrified when it doesn’t show them cleaning up the mess. And rummaging in other people’s refrigerator gives me the willies.
Mom: That’s because your mother taught you to be considerate. I was horrified too.
A Gift Wrapped Christmas
A personal shopper sets out to fix the relationship between a father and his son. Is she going to find love too?
This has an unusual female lead compared to all the other ones on this list. She’s vibrant and kind and isn’t dumber than a bag of hammers.
It’s got some good moments of friendship too. And the child actor is so cuddly.
I don’t know who picked the wardrobe but it hardly complements anyone.
Mom: What she said.
My Christmas Inn
An upscale woman inherits an Alaskan inn (why are there so many inns?). Will she fall in love? You know the drill.
Why are all these Lifetime movies so cute? Of these four, this one’s my least favorite but it’s still better than most of Hallmark’s.
It does use the “rich girl goes to small town” trope but it’s handled in a less derogatory way than the Vermont movie.
It’s got some good lines and actors but do I believe the two fell in love? Eh. I like him but she’s not particularly good.
We’d recommend The Shop Around the Corner, While You Were Sleeping and Christmas Pen Pals.
Mom: And White Christmas, though we missed seeing that this year.